im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
