I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
