I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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