I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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