i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
