Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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