Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
