fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
