you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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