dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Are we still banned from the library?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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