I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
