i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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