I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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