He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
