I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
