I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
