Im at strip club and am horny
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
