Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
