Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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