she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I think I have vodka in my lungs
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just want to make out with him forever
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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