Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
