i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
