How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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