In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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