Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
My balls are so social today.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
