I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Randomize
