I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
