I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
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i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
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I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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