I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
