i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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