did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
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i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
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I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
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