I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
