3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
