Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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