It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
