halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
