Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
