I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
