I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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