lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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