I murdered the dance floor call the cops
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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