I accidentally had phone sex last night
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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