I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
