He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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