....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
