The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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