my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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