What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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