very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
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The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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