I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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