I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
