If i could tip my vagina, i would.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
