just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
