worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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