dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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