No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
