I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
